15 tips to calm distress

When upsetting thoughts and feelings arise, you may find yourself sinking into a deep pit of dread and submergence. During these stressful times, you might begin to believe there’s not much you can do about these emotions.
But that’s not really the case. In fact, practicing self-soothing activities can help you get out of that dark pit and feel better.
How? ‘Or’ What? According to psychologist Rebecca Leslie, PsyD, self-soothing activities can:
So the next time you start feeling distressed, consider trying these 15 lesser-known self-soothing strategies.
Diaphragmatic (deep) breathing “helps you calm down and tells your mind and body that you’re safe,” says Leslie.
Leslie suggests imagining that you have a balloon behind your navel that fills with your breath as you inhale.
- Inhale slowly through your nose until the balloon is “full”. It may take about 4-5 seconds.
- Purse your lips and exhale slowly for the same amount of time until you feel the balloon “empty”.
- Repeat until you begin to feel calmer.
Get more tips for practicing diaphragmatic breathing.
Square breathing, also called box breathing, offers another powerful technique.
To try this type of breathing:
- Inhale for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
- Exhale for 4 seconds.
- Relax for 4 seconds.
In short, each step forms one side of the “square”.
Try this for 4 or more rounds, recommends Selma Bacevac, LMHC, a psychotherapist who specializes in childhood trauma and attachment.
Scan your surroundings for the color blue or for your favorite color, suggests Bacevac.
“Gently rest your eyes in the hues of the color as you become aware of your breath and inhale slowly for 7 seconds,” she says.
Follow the inhale with a long, slow exhale.
It should also be noted that challenging yourself to find different objects of the same color could distract you from the source of your distress.
A hug or any kind of compassionate touch causes your brain to release oxytocin. This hormone can make you feel safe, connected, and loved, says Joree Rose, LMFT, mindfulness and meditation therapist and teacher.
Bonus: Your brain can’t tell the difference between a hug someone gives you and one you give yourself. Wrapping your arms around your chest can instantly soothe your tense body.
“Art is an active tool we can use to release stress from our bodies, express our distress, and distract ourselves from what’s bothering us by externalizing it,” says Jackie Tassiello, Certified Creative Arts Therapist and Co-Founder of Soulions Therapy, based in Montclair, New Jersey.
An artistic technique to try? Watercolor painting. According to yoga teacher Namita Kulkarni, the benefits lie in the “tactile pleasure of touching paint on paper, the visual surprise and pleasure of watching pigments swirl through water, and the ever-present unpredictability of water behavior. “.
To get started, simply buy a set of watercolors at any craft or big box store.
Drawing can also help ease anxiety.
When you’re upset, you may tell yourself stories like, “It’s not that bad,” “I’m too sensitive,” or “I shouldn’t feel like this,” says Sera Lavelle, PhD, clinical psychologist. and specialist in hypnosis.
But this kind of dismissive and disabling self-talk often makes you feel even worse.
Instead, validate your experience with self-compassion. According to Lavelle, this could involve:
- notice your inner dialogue
- place your hands over your heart
- using comforting language, such as “I recognize that I’m scared right now and it’s difficult. Right now the things I fear are not happening and I am safe.
Considered a form of self-hypnosis, autogenic training promotes body relaxation and a state of emotional calm.
To start, you might repeat certain phrases three times, says Leslie. Here are examples of soothing phrases:
- My right arm is heavy.
- My left arm is heavy.
- My arms are heavy.
- I am calm and relaxed.
- My left leg is heavy.
- My right leg is heavy.
- My legs are heavy.
- I am calm and relaxed.
Learn more about the potential benefits of self-hypnosis.
Kaylin Zabienski, LMFT, therapist and yoga teacher, used to be overwhelmed when she led groups at her treatment center. To calm herself, she wore a long necklace with a pendant or a charm that she moved up and down the chain.
“It doesn’t sound like anything special, but the subtle vibration and sound it produced calmed me down extremely,” Zabienski says.
She suggests doing the same with your own clothes and accessories. “Using mindfulness and curiosity, it can be calming to explore the object with your hands, to move it over your skin, to notice its texture or the sounds it makes.”
Sending messages of love to yourself can go a long way in relieving emotional distress.
Liz FitzGerald, yoga teacher and co-founder of Daygold, suggests doing this loving practice for at least 5 minutes:
- Sit comfortably with your eyes open or closed.
- Starting with both hands at the top of your head, gently move your hands above your head while saying “I am with me.”
- Move your hands to your face and say, “I see myself.”
- Move your hands over your ears and the front and back of your throat and say, “I can hear myself.”
- Move your hands to your chest and say, “I trust myself.
- Move your hands to your belly and say, “I’m safe.
- Move your hands to your legs and feet and say, “I am loved.
According to Kulkarni, this restorative yoga pose activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and relaxation.
To try this pose, simply lie down with your legs against a wall. Hold the pose for up to 20 minutes.
Tip: If putting your legs up against a wall feels uncomfortable, you can put your legs up on a couch, chair, or bed, says yoga and meditation teacher Catherine Tingey.
“All that we have to do over and over creates a rhythm, which can ease tension and create an outlet for our anxiety or stress,” says Tassiello.
Here are examples of repetitive tasks that can help relieve stress:
- knitting
- diced vegetables
- folding laundry
- wash the dishes
- doodle patterns
During times of intense distress and overwhelm, it can feel like being at the center of a tornado, at the vagaries of “wherever it takes you, making you feel helpless and more stuck,” Rose says.
Instead, try changing your perspective and imagining yourself as the weatherman commenting on the tornado, she says, and not someone trapped in the middle.
In a nutshell, imagining yourself on the fringes of an emotional storm can help reduce its power over you.
Immerse yourself in a sensory experience, recommends Neha Chaudhary, MD, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and chief medical officer of BeMe Health.
Chaudhary notes that this could mean:
- put on headphones and play your favorite songs
- use aromatherapy oil
- dip your hands in a bowl of cold water
Find more grounding techniques to try here.
Cardiac breathing, based on the work of the HeartMath Institute, helps us “gain deeper awareness and a sense of calm, and return to center,” says Bara Sapir, integrative life coach, MBSR-trained provider and founder of City Test Prep.
To practice, follow these three steps:
- Focus on the heart. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach. Focus your attention on the area around your heart.
- Cardiac respiration. As you inhale, feel as if your breath is flowing through your heart. As you exhale, feel it exit through this area. Keep breathing with ease until you find a natural rhythm that feels good.
- Heart feeling. As you maintain your focus on the heart and your heart breathing, recall a time when you felt good. Take a moment to relive that positive feeling.
Using self-calming tools in the moment can help a lot, but it’s just as important to work on creating calm in your daily routine.
According to Tassiello, you could:
When you’re feeling a difficult emotion, a self-calming technique can reduce distressing thoughts and help relax an exhausted body.
It may be worth trying these activities before you are upset to see those who resonate with you. You can even keep a list of your five favorite lollipops in your phone.
Remember that learning to soothe yourself can take time, says Lavelle. Try to be patient with yourself while “reminding yourself that you deserve to feel peaceful and cared for.”
Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, has been writing for Psych Central and other websites for over a decade on a wide range of topics. She is the author of the mental health journal “Vibe Check: Be Your Best You” (Sterling Teen). She is particularly passionate about helping readers feel less alone, overwhelmed and more empowered. You can connect with Margarita on LinkedIn or view her writings on her website.