Internet backs ‘toxic’ wife for saying no to her husband
In a new viral post, the internet is defending a woman who was called “toxic” by her husband after telling him “no” multiple times in one day.
Posted on Reddit’s infamous r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman with the username u/Consciously_Annoying shared her story on the “AITA” page for the community to comment on her views to let them know if they was wrong. The viral post has 7,000 upvotes and 800 comments.
The Redditor begins her story by explaining that she and her husband have been married for six years. In four years they had three children and she wrote that she was exhausted. She praised her husband, however, she is fed up with the way he has been acting lately.
She wrote: “My husband’s day off he wanted to stay home and rest so I went shopping, came home, put away all the groceries, cleaned up home (he cleaned our room), got everything ready for our son’s birthday party the next day, and made dinner.
“Once dinner was over, I started to tidy up and he lay down on the floor to stretch a pain in his back. I threw a paper towel at him and said ‘Why don’t you wipe not that spill while you’re there?’ Passively and with a light heart. I should be on the floor cleaning it myself, so it made sense for me to ask him when he was already on the floor” , she continued.
He told her “no” and walked away from the mess. She became frustrated as this happened more in the space of a few days. She defended herself, telling her husband he was “rude and disrespectful” for not helping her with simple tasks.
“Did you seriously just tell me I can’t say no?” I am a grown man. I don’t need to explain things to you. You can tell me no, I can tell you no,” he spat.
She replied that she couldn’t tell him no because he would be mad at her. She explained to him that she wished they could handle things “as a team” and that he could say no if he was busy or that he would get to it later.
She explained: “It really bothered me that he said I could say no to him at any time because that was never true in our relationship. So I tested. All day Saturday, I Tried to tell her no about little things. Are you going to make this date for me? No. Are you going to get me a trash bag? No. Are you going to bring me lunch?
“I didn’t set anything aside, I just started with a no and I was going to walk away and he would reason with me or convince me or be frustrated with me every time and every time I ended up like I did. always did. The next morning he asked me to do something and I put my foot down and said I didn’t want to do it and he should do it. He really pissed off and asked me why I was so picky that I told him that,” she continued.
She told him no 11 times in one day and she said he didn’t accept her “no” once and got mad at her. He was furious that she kept track of all the times she said no and that it was “toxic” because she would have been angry if he was the one keeping track.
She explains how upset she believes he can say “no” and walk away from the mess and that she has to be the one to clean him up as she doesn’t want her children to live with the mess.
Do you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist? There are many signs to watch out for. According to PsychCentral.com, some warning signs speak only for themselves, seek praise, they will only give if it means they will get something in return and large amounts of jealousy.
The editors were quick to comment in defense of the original poster (OP).
U/bobbycw received the highest comment with over 16,000 upvotes: “I strongly suspect that you are married to a narcissist. Because here’s what happened: you went to see him with proof at all But are you talking about his behavior? No, instead, you’re talking about your behavior.
“The best defense is the right offense. You gave him evidence and he came back with his own gaslighting accusation and now that’s what you’re busy talking about. In the meantime, his double standard is not not discussed. That’s what narcs do,” they continued.
“[Not the A**hole]. He’s playing a breeze and you were just following his rules. It’s not your fault he doesn’t keep his word,” u/Alarmed-Metal5891 wrote.
“[Not the A**hole], but I think all this “no” talk takes away from the real problem. You want your husband to be more of a team player and do more around the house, hopefully without you having to ask. It seems like you both want more of a real partnership. Forget the no’s and speak more fully,” u/Little-Aardvark3540 explained.
U/telepathicathena exclaimed, “[Not the A**hole] and he uses the classic DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. You’re the victim here, he’s the aggressor, but he’s arguing about your actions and not his unacceptable treatment of you.”
In a recent update to the post, the OP explains where they stand. She explains that she had a discussion with him, stating that what she did was “childish” and that she wouldn’t do it again. However, she didn’t like the way he treated her. He admitted he was “depressed and disappointed in his own behavior” as his father was a narcissist and he grew up in a “toxic” environment.
He said he thought his behavior was just because of what he saw growing up. He wants to work on his behavior because she explained to him that when she asks him to do something, he doesn’t make it look like a burden and speaks to her with respect. She says it was a great conversation.
She also writes that they are going to therapy.